The
Termination
Letter
Written by H. Buckley. Addressed to H. Buckley. Signed by H. Buckley. Disputed by H. Buckley. Re-signed by H. Buckley.
From
H. Buckley
Chairman, Board of Directors
To
H. Buckley
Founder & CEO (Outgoing)
Dear Mr. Buckley,
It is with a heavy heart — and also a light heart, and also a heart that is frankly relieved — that I write to inform you of your termination, effective immediately, from the position of Founder & Chief Executive Officer of Founder Fired Inc.
This decision was not made lightly. It was made after an exhaustive 18-month performance review, conducted by you (me), reviewed by you (me), and approved by you (me) in a four-hour solo board meeting held in your (my) kitchen on a Tuesday.
The Board of Directors — which is you (me) — voted unanimously (1–0, with you (me) abstaining due to conflict of interest) to proceed with this termination. The motion was seconded by you (me), which is technically impossible given you (me) also moved it, but the Board (you/me) has decided to let it stand.
Please find attached a full list of charges, a performance improvement plan you have already failed, and a severance package you approved for yourself last Thursday before you knew you were being fired, which the Board (you) has decided is still valid because you (the Board) signed it.
You are required to vacate your office by close of business today. You are also required to hand over your office keys to yourself. Please do not let yourself into the building after hours.
Yours sincerely,
H. Buckley
Chairman, Board of Directors · Also: Head of HR · Also: Witness (H. Buckley)
Document Status
"Please do not let yourself into the building after hours."
— From the letter, to H. Buckley
The Full Charge Sheet
CHARGE-001
CRITICALChronic Inability to Delegate
Subject has demonstrated a persistent, documented, and frankly impressive inability to delegate any task of any size to any person, including himself. Subject once delegated a task to himself, then overruled himself, then appealed the overruling, then denied the appeal.
CHARGE-002
HIGHExcessive Meeting Scheduling
In FY2025, subject scheduled 214 meetings. Subject attended 214 meetings. Subject was the only attendee at 214 meetings. Total hours lost: all of them.
CHARGE-003
HIGHUnauthorised Stapler Micromanagement
Subject personally reviewed and approved all 847 stapler requisition forms submitted in FY2025. Each form required three rounds of revision. The company has one stapler. It belongs to H. Buckley.
CHARGE-004
MEDIUMSelf-Referential Org Chart Manipulation
Subject redesigned the company org chart 14 times. In each version, subject reported to subject. In version 11, subject was also subject's skip-level manager. In version 14, subject filed a formal complaint about subject's management style with subject.
CHARGE-005
MEDIUMInsubordination (Self-Directed)
Subject repeatedly ignored direct instructions from subject. When subject confronted subject about this, subject denied it. Subject has been placed on a performance improvement plan authored by subject, reviewed by subject, and contested by subject.